Sh!t I Can’t Afford Sunday – Military Edition

The Army-Navy game was on television last night, and as usual, it was full of the stirring, All-American patriotism one can expect from the rivalry between the West Point and Annapolis military academies. It’s the kind of game that eloquent writers can go on and on about – but I’m a superficial hack, so I won’t try. In the midst of all the sentimentality and football, I was more concerned with how good the crowd of cadets looked in their dress uniforms.

image from

Seriously, those are some smart coats! It reminded me of how much I love military detailing on clothes. After the jump, we’ll snark our way through a few of my favorite pieces that I am too broke as shit to afford.

I’m really digging the USMA’s cape/coat combo – but in lieu of applying to West Point, I’ll take this DKNY piece:

available at the always-unattainable Net-A-Porter

It’s $600, so of course by “I’ll take it”, I meant, “Does anyone have one they can give me?”

The Naval Academy cadets are always sharp in their classic peacoats, too. My mom reads this blog, so I’m going to do my best to not write any “seamen” jokes and just show a nice Navy-style coat.

from Nieman Marcus

From Burberry. $1000.00. There! No inappropriate jokes. Moving on. lol seamen Oops!

The tough part about doing the military thing in fashion is that there is a fine line between marching band kitsch and a well tailored commandant chic. Case in point:
This man is named Charles Tertius Mander. Bad. Ass.


So close!

It’s no offense to marching bands, really. I just don’t want to be walking around on the street and get dragged into the middle of a parade and forced to march in formation, all because I had the misfortune of picking a military style jacket that reads more “John Phillip Sousa” than “Napoleon Bonaparte.”

However, this instant classic from Balmain toes the line quite well:

originally $11,000, now unavailable from Net-A-Porter

You’ll be winning the battle, the war, and the high school marching band competition in this bad boy. If Glenn Beck’s worst dreams come true and the gays get militant, you’d better believe they’ll be marching unto war with rhinestone encrusted epaulets. And if it’s good enough for an imaginary gay army, then by golly, it’s good enough for me.

This vintage Louis Vuitton jacket from Steam Machine is expertly military without being too costume-y.

available from Steam Machine on Etsy

It’s $650, but it comes complete with a bonus pirate vibe. Who doesn’t love a little Jack Sparrow in their wardrobe? I also have the sneaking suspicion that it would fit me really well…so…have I told you lately how much I cherish you? And how fondly I think of you during this, the giving-est of holiday seasons?

Finally, this coat from Parkrose Vintage channels its military vibe through a different lens:

available at Parkrose Vintage on Etsy

It’s so Sgt. Peppers! It does a fun, Beatles-like take on military styling without all the frills and accoutrements that would make it unwearable. And at $150, it’s definitely clocking in as the most affordable of all these garments I can’t afford. In fact, that’s a really good price for a lovely vintage coat!

It’s getting very near the end.

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for today. Maybe next week I’ll continue with my football inspiration kick and pick out a bunch of pieces with linebacker shoulder pads. That should be fun, don’t you think?


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